20090426

You've picked the wrong time to be everything that I need.


The optimist will tell you that having your heart broken will only make you stronger. The pessimist will tell you that you screwed up bad and you'll never find real love. I'll tell you, that this time it didn't work out, and it probably won't work out the next couple of times, but hey, it will work out at the end and the whole reason for heartbreaks, is to prepare you for the next encounters of the same situation. - Dedicated to Mel D.



I hate you, you were nothing but a waste of time. You're a jack ass and you had no right to treat anyone the way you treated me. At least that's what I try to convinve myself. But the truth is, every minute I spent with you made me happy. Hell, thinking about it now makes me want to smile. Yea, you were a heck of wasted time, but goddamn it, everyday with you, were the best days of wasted time.

It's ok. I'll go back to the start a hundred times if I have to. I'll leap the hurdles, in fact crawl under them if that's what it takes. Any day, any time I don't mind. As long as you're the one standing at the finish line.


They tell you, that forgetting someone isn't as easy as walking out the door. They tell you it's gonna be hard, and that it's gonna hurt you. But what they don't tell you, is that it's not the "walking out the door" part that's hard. No it's the part after that. Where you stick around behinde the door unable to move, and just looking back inside. Just to make sure that the person is alright. It's the part where you see them fall to the ground in tears that make you cringe. It's the part where you stand there, on the other side of the door, and watch someone else walk into the room, put their arms around that person and take your place. That hurts, a lot. But what hurts the most in the whole process, is seeing that person smile again the way they used to, the only difference, is that this time, they aren't smiling for you no more.


"I only thought of you and me and never anything else,
The time we spent together kept me sane,
You helped me to be myself,
What I didn't realize is that the distance was breaking your heart,
Even under you're best disguise,
it was tearing you apart, baby.
It was, selfish,
of me to give you my love or tell you that we would never be undone.
Selfish, to want you here everyday,
When we both knew we were much too far away."

20090419

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me.

But when I'm with him I'm thinking of you. So when you are with her, are you missing me too? Say yes, please, just say yes.

Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fighting
Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out." The Notebook


Everytime I saw 11:11, I would wish. But I would wish the same wish over and over again until it was no longer 11:11. The wish never came true, but that's ok, cause it would come true in time right? I kept telling myself that, so I kept wishing, and wishing, until I lost all my faith. It never came true, and frankly, I got tired of waiting



He tells me he loves me, you don't. He lets me cry on his shoulders, you are the reason I cry, he values every minute he spends with me, you tell me to come back later when you're "less" busy. He calls me on the phone and talk for hours, we run out of things to say in just 5 minutes. He gives me all his heart. Fuck, you have mine.


"And I didn't appreciate even when you walked away,
I didn't realise that you were the one thing,
I should have kept part of me,
And baby, I just can't deal without you,
You're all I need,
I know I didn't say much but boy you're the only one,
I'm tripping without you,
I think about it everytime I,
Everytime I..."

20090412

With you is where I want to be, but we're stuck where we are.


I want to hide beneath the blankets for a day. Sink underneath my bedsheets and swim in an ocean of pillows. I want to lie there looking outside my window at the blue cloudless skies or maybe watch the rain fall down in droplets. I want to lie listening to slow music or perhaps listen to the rain drops falling on my rooftops. I want to watch time pass me by.

Just this time round, I want someone to tell me off. Scream it to my face. Tell me how wrong I was. How badly I stuffed up. How I should'ev thought long and hard about it. How I messed it all up. Tell me my mistakes, point out my flaws. Tell me anything, just don't tell me that it's going to be ok.


You've always been the friend kind of person. Always out there having your mates back, pushing them to achieve their best, but you started forgetting about yourself. You started forgetting about me. You were too busy being out there saving the world. But tonight, be mine. And tomorrow, you can go ahead and be the super hero again.


Go on boy, go on boy. Don't worry about her because she's stronger than you think she is. It's not the first time you've let her down, not the first time you've made her cry, not the first time you've told her you no longer needed her. But, before you walk away, before you walk out that door, here's something you should know. Just because she let you come back everytime before, doesn't mean she needs you. Just because you have her heart on a string, doesn't mean you are her controller. Just because she has already let you come back so many times before, doesn't mean that you can walk in and out of her heart whenever you want.



I've already planned my future. Marriage at around 24-27. And either 2 or 3 kids. The only thing I haven't been able to plan, is whether you'll be in my future or not.


I'm heading home today, it's been so long I can barely remember how it looks. Was it a red or green roof? Was it on the corner of the road or was it sitting in the middle of no where? To be honest, I don't know where it is. Still, I'll keep looking for it, I'll keep driving. I know it's out there, somewhere. And I know that I will find it, and when I do. I'll tell you all about it.


"Say you want to talk but you just push me away,
Tell me you're leaving when I want you to stay,
Never thought that loving you would hurt me this way,
But I'm the only one to blame,
Cause I'm always saying it's ok, it's alright,
I put the pain away and let it slide,
I forgive and forget it,
And then you promise me I wont regret it,
But I do."

20090404

Life's like an hour glass, stuck on the table.

LOLS! Yay! Finally start this off! Ok so I shall update this blog every Sunday no matter how busy I happen to be (must keep this commitment ==) Basically random lovey dovey cliche stuff I think up of as well as some awesome pictures that I like :D Enjoy!
Because I don't want to be that girl, just wondering how it would feel like. To feel your arms around me. To feel you breathing down my neck. To hear you whispering "I love you" in my ears. To fall asleep next to you beneath the stars. To share the same blanket with you. To be labeled as something more than just your friend. To dance with you in the rain. To cry on your shoulder when I'm feeling too weak. To receive that phone call late at night, of you calling to tell me to sleep well. To hear that song you wrote just for me. Just to have you.

I'm fine.
Just...fine

But some days, it just hurts too much. Some days I fall apart. Some days I can't get out of bed. Some days I think about you so much, I lose count of many times I really think of you. Some days I tell myself off for being such an idiot. Some days I find it hard to breathe under my mask. But that's OK, cause it's just some days.


She said: You promised me.
He said: So what.
She said: So it doesn't mean anything to you? So all this was nothing?
He said: That's not what I meant.
She said: Damn straight that's what you meant, why would you say something you didn't really mean.
He said: Because when I'm with you. My legs turn to jelly, my common sense goes out the door, my head starts spinning, my tummy is filled with butterflies and I can't keep my eyes of you. And for some reason, some weird god knows why reason, when all that happens, I manage to say things that I don't mean and hurt you in ways that I don't want to. So there you go, that's why.


Well I don't care if it's just 3 words long. Or if it's a 500 page essay. I don't care if it's just another cheesy cliche. I don't care if it's some retarded spam mail. As long as it's from you. I want it.

I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be the "reliable independent young woman" that everyone is expecting me to turn out to be. Cause that would mean that I can't forgive people as easily as them buying me an icecream. That I can't take back the stupid things I say. That I have to worry about tomorrow. That I can't entirely trust anyone. That I have to think about the words people might say if I do or say something. That I can't talk to you in five minutes when I previously said that I don't ever want to talk to you ever again. That forgetting someone isn't as easy as blocking them of msn. That I can't convince myself that I really don't mind being "just friends". That laughing along with hurtful comments don't make them ok. No, just let me continue on being a kid.
"Plus I get weak in the knees fall head over heels baby,
And every other cheesy cliche.
I'm swept off my feet,
My heart skips a beat,
But really there's only one thing to say.
Goddamn you're beautiful, to me.
You're everything, that's beautiful.
Yes to me."